— Hopefully I can remember enough to tell some sort of fresh story about my happenings at the 2004 Gathering of the Juggalos. We'll just start off, but I gotta tell you I aint no fuckin party animal or nothin, so if you wanna hear about sex, sex, sex, and more sex, go find a porn site mutha fakko! Or wait til I get my film developed and you'll see some TITIES!!!
Leaving ‡ So my girl and I start off leavin wisconsin, midnight on wednesday night. First we gotta stop off at walgreens for stupid shit like cameras and suntan lotion (net ninjas burn like fuck, cuz all we do is sit at the computer all day, fuck the sunlight, aint never brought me anything good.
So we're drivin, and drivin, and drivin, and just when ya think we caints drive no more, we fuckin drive our asses some more, seems like it never ends, so fuckin boring driving 9 fucking hours through states like, illinois ... indiana ... and fucking OHIO, but we'll get to ohio later, lets just say FUCK OHIO!
On the way to the gathering there were mad ninjas like WHUT! ninjas all over the fuckin place, at every fuckin rest stop, I cant think of one time we didnt see a Juggalo or a car with some juggalo stickers on it. So fucking fresh I gotta tell ya, to see all that mad clown love. Its too bad It Aint Like that ALL the time. You know just fuckin drivin around town seein mad juggalo cars.
At one point we had this big fuckin convoy of Juggalo vehicles, somewhat like 7 or 8 cars just fuckin followin each other, idunno how many of them knew each other, but I figure they were prolly juss like me, just taggin along cuz its fuckin FRESH to see 8 fuckin vehicles with hatchet men all the fuck over it, ridin dirtay like we own the bitch, right?
Anyways, we had been drivin somewhat like 7 or 8 hours (not much compared to some ninjas comin out of cali or fuckin alaska, but i bet them ninjas flew, i mean, fuckin alaska, ya know? I got fuckin tired as fuck, my girl got a nap cuz she didnt have to keep her eyes on the road, so we switched spots and she drove us to the hotel.
But lets back the truck up, and back the fuck up. We drove through illinios, fuckin toll botths all over (we aint used to that in wisconsin, we have whats called a GAS TAX, that way you dont have to fuckin pay people every so fucking often, you just fill up and thats your payment for the roads til next fill up!) So the pay tolls were aight I guess, 40 cents here or there, not all that annoying, until.....
...INDIANA! Lets talk about indiana. They have this thing whats called a turnpike or somethin like that, its a fresh idea if ya think about it, drive until you need to get somewhere, then pay all your money at once, good if you're going straight through non stop, fuckin stale if you live there, and thank god we drove straight through. Basically, to get on the turnpike, you gotta take a ticket, to get off, you gotta pay like a buck and somethin. So lets say you wanted to drive all the fuck over indiana or somethin like that, you'd have to PAY every TIME you get OFF ... at least thats what I think, I didnt stay in Indiana long enough to really give a shit.
OHIOs fuckin shit is the same way. Cept to get to the middle of OHIO it costs you 6 bucks, and to get through ALL of indiana, its only 4 bucks. Now, why the fuck would you suppose it costs so much more to get into OHIO? Well for one, nobody likes ohio, i knew 2 people in highschool that came from ohio, and they left cuz it SUCKS, and thats comin from some ninjas who live in WISCONSIN. So you can only Imagine how much OHIO sucks, FUCK OHIO!
So why does it cost so much to get into ohio? Well peep this, online it said our hotel was 30 minutes or 30 miles away, im not sure which, but it dont matter, its basically 65 or so anywhere around there, so it averages out. Well we're drivin to our hotel, and i swear we went in a downward spiral, literally half way to the center of the earth, before the road pointed us in any sort of direction that lead to the hotel. Get on 79, take that til you hit 64, then take 79 again, go around three bends and a corner and pass on the same route you did before but go under the bridge, over the hills, and through the woods til you pass up lil fuckin grannys house.
Maybe those aren't the real directions, but fuck, they might as well be, cuz they fuckin twisted us around forever, in the end, it didnt take 30 minutes, it took more like an HOUR. Just to get to our hotel. That doesnt include the time that we got lost, and let me tell u, we got lost every single day. Although Im fuckin skillfull at gettin to where I need to be, so we were never "lost" just misdirected!
Hotel ‡ We had to stop by the hotel to make sure to reserve our rooms, we had them reserved, but we had to PAY for them, just to make sure they wouldnt give it away, cuz hotels are like that, i mean come on, you'd want to make some money too. And you cant make money if ninjas are skippin out on you
To the Gathering ‡ Ahh, well shit, we drove down a few roads, ended up in paris (not the country, the city) which is the fuckin WRONG ass way, fuckin total opposite direction, right? So we had to hightail it back to where we needed to go, towards garrettesville. So we finally fuckin make it there, with no help from anything but a map. We pull into the parking lot for where the busses take your asses to the campgrounds n shit...
... I swear, we took about 4 trips back to the car before actually going anywhere near the busses! Why? Cuz we kept FORGETTING SHIT! Forgot the cameras, forgot my cell, forgot my cd samplers, for got my sack and balls I left chillin in the back seat.
We finally got there and got in line to get our tickets. We saw these ninjas there dressed up as the jokers cards, you would not see me dressing up at the gathering, fuck that, fuck painting my face, just what i need, sweat, paint, faygo AND rocks, in my eyes, while im tryin to peep out a concert. So anyways, all the jokers cards were there cept milenko, maybe he was missing in action, or he was off turnin some guys head into a lima bean, but I didnt see him.
